Sunday lunch with the family. Happy to be together in a disappointing universe. We always have a central conversation subject and everything manages to fit in between words, nothing specific, nothing confessional, just encoded words.
Today’s subject was sexual queerness. Everyone had a story to tell… for example everyone pretended to be gay at one or another point in their lives as it turned out. I guess sexual identity is queer. However, straight men seemed to feel frustrated by this. I wonder if they honestly know what it is they like, or if they just don’t find it easy to imagine themselves in the queer kind of situations they have mixed feelings about. If I look back at my memories I could answer that they really have a painfully consolidated sexual identity in comparison to women. That’s probably why women find it easier to laugh at them.
By dessert, we just couldn’t conclude where queerness comes from, is it genetic, is it a result of early-life events, is it in all of us? As a family, we all recognised it was there, but we just couldn’t face up to it. Maybe because it all really came from the way we felt about each other.