The biological condition of love

Can you be firm about the unconditional nature of your love for someone?

Can it be a comfortable state of mind to love without expecting a certain return?

Can interest be maintained when one takes the role of the actor and the other of the reactor?

Isn’t a reactor really the chosen part of an actor or just a delay in alternating roles?

Is secretly watching from a distance a perversion or is it the only way to gain insight?

Is romantic love an addiction and a mere obsession?

Is romantic love a struggle for an unattainable ideal?

Is commitment to the unattainable confirmation of one’s persistent commitment-phobia?

Is commitment-phobia, a phobia of one’s own emotional intensity or selfishness?

Can someone grow by refusing to face criticism in a commitment induced dialogue?

I fear not. When I broke up with my ex-boyfriend I bought a book called “Emotional Intelligence in Couples Therapy”. I know it was a strange thing to do, as I had absolutely no intention of being involved in another relationship, but that was exactly the reason I felt I needed the book. Even though our relationship ended with a sigh of relief, I was aware that I was growing and learning a great deal, mainly of my faults. At break-up point I was relieved to the point of no regret to be free and as I stood breathing the air of freedom I realised there was no criticism, no dialogue, no round view, no insight, just me, my son and my eternally uninvolved party-animal friends. When I did something wrong there was no one there to correct me, no one really cared, so how was I going to match up to the other hard-working parents who worked everyday their brains and asses off to deliver on a multi-level emotional universe.

I watched Linklater’s “After midnight” the other day. I didn’t go there just to watch a film, I actually had questions. I’ve never watched a more realistic representation of married 40 something life (well maybe with the exception of Farhadi’s “A Separation”). I could very clearly recognise the behavioural patterns of the two main characters. My friend said “aw I just realised how annoying and stuck-up us women get sometimes” and yeah that is a relevant comment, but really not what I saw… Did you know that women’s IQs drop when they get pregnant due to hormonal take-over and then slowly return? Have I told you that I’ve never met a father who willingly would wake up in the middle of the night to change a diaper? That stuff is hardcore when encountered without any warning, but nowadays in my mind they are universal realities. Love costs and life degrades, but we’re just walking through it all doing our thing, as they all seem to agree on in the film.

Decadence

Είδα τον Στάθη τον Παντού χθες στην Cantina, νωρίτερα ήταν και στο Zero που ήμουν κι εγώ. Τον Στάθη τον συναντάω μία δεκαετία τώρα, αναρωτιέμαι αν ο ίδιος το συνειδητοποιεί. Για πρώτη φορά στη ζωή μου πήρα το θάρρος, που έχεις όταν υποπτεύεσαι ότι είσαι σε μια βάρκα που βουλιάζει, να του μιλήσω. Νομίζω ότι κι αυτός ήθελε να μιλήσει γιατί, αφού συστηθήκαμε μου έπιασε κουβέντα. Απ’όσο πρόλαβα να συμπεράνω είναι απέριττα ενδιαφέρον και διαλεκτικά playful. Άθελά του είναι επίσης, ο αρχηγός μίας αναρχικής ομάδας μπαρόβιων Αθηναίων ηδονοβλεψιών intellectuals που δε μιλάνε τόσο όσο κοιτάνε.

Μιλάγαμε για λίγη αντίστροφα μετρημένη ώρα κι ήξερα ότι δεν μου έμενε πολλή. Ξαφνικά κάποιος μας διέκοψε. Πριν προλάβω να κοιτάξω, ο Στάθης είχε ήδη εξαφανιστεί κι εγώ έπινα σφηνάκια στο μπαρ… υποθέτω γι’αυτό ποτέ πριν δε μιλήσαμε. Ίσως και να μιλάμε καμιά φορά αλλά να μη το θυμάμαι.

Πριν φύγει μου είπε πάντως κάτι πολύ σημαντικό όταν τον ρώτησα περί χορού, προσπαθώντας δια ατόπου επαγωγή, να διαλευκάνω το λόγο που είναι παντού…
“Χμ χορεύω καμιά φορά, χόρευα παλιά όταν λειτουργούσε το Decadence… υποθέτω θα ξαναχορέψω όταν ξανα-ανοίξει.”

My favourite song

This could well be my favourite song, by one of my favourite bands. Mimi Parker could be anyone or anything if you really get to know her, but whatever she might be, including a mormon, I’ll always love her and her voice.

The first time I was going to see them live I passed out during the first song, after having had just a few sips of beer. I guess I was tired from trying to finish an assignment and worn out by excitement. They carried me outside and then I threw up on my friend’s shoes. They told me to go back to the chalet and sleep (we were at ATP festival), so I did.

I saw them, maybe a few months later playing at Union Chapel, Islington and many more times ever since. Everytime I was just taken to a magically familiar land. I wonder if other people feel like that about a quiet, low-profile band such as Low nowadays. Slowcore and emo was the thing back then in the 00s… it was a time when life’s tempo seemed long, soft, but much more hardcore than any Florence or Beirut or what have you.

The last time I saw them, Mimi was evidently angry at Alan. She was so annoyed with him, that she just kept leaving the stage and reappearing, while he was distant, at times trying to calm her down. Despite the evident tension, they played perfectly and I fell in love with her even more.

Κόκο μπλόκο

Ένα κορίτσι μόνο δεν είναι παρά αύξηση της παγκόσμιας εντροπίας, δύο κορίτσια τείνουν να παγιδεύονται σε μία τροχιά σταθερής ψυχαναλυτικής ενέργειας, αλλά όταν συνδυάσεις τρία κορίτσια και καλή 90s μουσική, τότε έχεις αναμφισβήτητα κβαντική μηχανική στα καλύτερά της.

Απομακρυνόμενες από την αρσενική έλλειψη ουσιαστικής κατανόησης της έννοιας της κβαντικής τυχαιότητας (ακόμα και ο Αϊνστάιν αντιμετώπιζε προβλήματα να τη χωνέψει) επιδοθήκαμε σε μία λυτρωτικά αφαιρετική ταλάντωση.

Εντωμεταξύ, με τη βοήθεια της συνδυασμένης ιδιοφυούς ικανότητας παρανοϊκής διόρασης που είχαμε αναπτύξει, αντιληφθήκαμε ότι, σε ένα παράλληλο δρόμο του κέντρου, βρισκόταν ένα σκοτεινό μπαρ με σκοτεινή μουσική. Εκεί τρία ευαίσθητα αγόρια, παγιδευμένα σε μια διάσταση που διέπεται από κλασική μηχανική, αναπαρήγαγαν τον εξής διάλογο:
– Κόκο;
– …Μπλόκο!
– Κόκο μπλόκο.

Attending death @ 1ο Νεκροταφείο

Only the other day I was with a couple of hipster architect girl-friends and this guy and we started talking about cemeteries. There’s this particular cemetery in Athens, where most famous and important people have been buried plus quite a few middle-class nobodies coming from sort of socially respectable athenian families or whatever. As we talked about all those strange statues meaning something to someone at a distressing time in their lives, the kietch temple-looking little houses luxuriously encapsulating the dead and the peace and quiet of a morning walk in the cemetery, one of the girls said “well, you know, I’ll be buried there one day”, “oh, so will I!” I exclaimed excitedly, while the other two were already giving their reasons for being forced to decline this event in a slightly resentful tone. I guess the two of us belonged to those families owing a plain marble box in the coolest cemetery in town… Hurray or something… Well the truth is we were pretty excited, I mean if you were to die and had to have people mourning for you, you would like it to be a sort of cool event, which would give all the sad mourning people something to look at and talk about, whilst sipping a cup of coffee or cognac and enjoying a day dedicated to you having died. To top all this, having an equally deceased friend around, or one who would soon be, seemed like the sort of death that would follow one’s life in Athens. I couldn’t be more thrilled to be honest about how things will be turning out with my final home. However, it is my dying wish that my tombstone should say “Kala Mari – an unemployed single mother” and that everyone should come dressed as hipsters.

I should have left a long time ago

He clings on to me and then throws me away
Children around him reserving their anger and frustration and pretending just like their parents
It’s too early to force them to adopt socially malfunctioning roles
Society becoming more and more distorted and ethically unbalanced
Domestic violence hidden behind every wall
But walls can’t protect you from yourself
The scandinavian voice from the distant alien universe says: it will be ok,
it’s not you, it’s the people who surround you
but the people who surround you should not be blamed, because it is you who should take responsibility
it is you who should think
I listen to the voice,
because it is so close, yet coming from so far
Everything remains a reaction
until it is withheld and silence may allow real fearless thought
Everyone is someone else than you
It is time to rest your social commitments
It is time to think for yourself
It is time to leave this place and re-imagine it
It is time to leave these people and re-invent your relationship with them
You cannot live if you fear degradation
Life comes against the 2nd law of thermodynamics
Life being something between matter and magic self-consciousness
which one to be today?