wanting what you don’t want

It is very difficult to want what you don’t want

and actively pursue it

it is like everything you learned finally makes no sense

and it is very interesting to try to see with your eyes a red you can’t really see

due to colourblindness

Now that I have spoken words that I never wanted to say do I understand the whole extent of transcendence

But then again it makes me feel really adult to become what I don’t want to become

and feeling adult is something I really have in the end of the day

and that is something