a weekend that he went away

floated through the weekend

a weekend reminding me so many other weekends when he had gone away

that sense of freedom and profound sadness

reminder of the parting fate of all bonds

immediately I run as fast as I could and dived into art head-first

what a magnificent coincidence that documenta 14 was opening that weekend

exhibition spaces, performances and small dark rooms for screenings all over Athens

tall blond elves, I cared about as much as the suspicious dark native dwarfs that roamed around me, where as unwilling to interact as me

I had to consciously put effort into observing them for the sake of having a clear idea of the politics behind the art

I cared very little about human beings

the only humans I made contact with where the ones that would facilitate the social norms of the transparency I tried to achieve

I socialised mechanically and yet naturally, exhibiting just about the right degree of emotion

in any case, the recent tragic events and the shortsightedness in which everyone had dealt with them, just seemed exhausting to face again

since everyone was clearly incapable of listening, I would give them exactly the amount of me they seemed to be comfortable with

clearly an amount that did not represent me, but one that would grant me immunity from their pitiful brain capacities striving to overcome their self-absorption

on Monday I was still thirsty for more, so I attended a theater play and someone’s birthday drinks

but sadly stupidity won’t leave you alone – it doesn’t know what it is it’s sensing, but it is sensing someone faking something and due to lack of analytical skills, it just has to break your balls

no paintings on the walls to distract anyone, no intallations and no elves, so the dwarfs swiftly got to work

I’m pretty sure they were talking about things and relationships concerning me, but it’s weird because they weren’t listening to anything I was saying

they seemed to know better than I did what I was thinking or feeling or even what had happened, funny because their descriptions reminded me of nothing

my attempts to protest where clearly unwelcome and so where my attempts to explain

so once more I sat and listened to people talking about my life, my relationships and things that had happened to me

by the end of the evening I had again become disconnected to my body, a state in which I seemed to be finding myself quite often when going out

I smiled politely and didn’t question any of the bullshit I was hearing

that night I dreamed that he was shivering in a corner, but I was unwilling to approach and comfort him due to lack of emotional resources

their mumbling had drained me, the exposure to shit had enviously destroyed any desire for intimacy

in their minds they were winning, but in mine there was never a race, as soon as you let them in, the game is already over

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